Worlds Crappiest Mum…

Worlds crappiest mum… That’s what I felt like last Tuesday… I’d been telling Miss E that she starts school next week.
I told her that “today is your last day at little school (child care) with S & C & A (carer’s) and then you start BIG school next week!”
I even thought that all day. Then I went into a meeting at work and when roster submissions were mentioned I said on the side to one of the coaches “isn’t next Monday a public holiday for Regatta Day?” (I knew Regatta day was on the 11th of Feb, the day before Miss E started school)? He replied that it was the week after. I did some basic maths to realise, yes, it was the week after. I had the dates right in my head, I had just totally lost an ENTIRE WEEK in my head. I literally thought 29’th plus 7 days = 12th – and to think I studied accounting (maybe that’s why I never finished the course)… Bad Mum.

This happened to me the other week too, only the opposite way around. I forgot my Mum’s birthday. Yes, you read that right. I forgot her birthday. I am also a Crap Daughter.
Only I knew that date. I knew it was coming up. I just lost a week again, only the opposite way, it snuck up on me. I hadn’t realised we were PAST the date of her birthday. The first week of the year does that to me. Not back at work yet, the days all merge into one blissful day of holiday after the other. I have no need to look at dates. Sigh. I really should invest in a wall calendar. Or put a reminder in my phone – why haven’t I done that before? FYI – I just put a reminder on my phone, hopefully I won’t forget next year. I did take her out for a lovely lunch though in the end…

So this got me thinking about my ultra-crap memory. Baby brain hasn’t left me and its actually starting to distress me. This kind of thing is happening a LOT to me. Am I getting early onset dementia or something? My ability to recognise a face has seriously diminished. I have to see someone who I don’t know well in perfect context to ‘place’ them.

I was thinking in the car the other day on the way home from work – the only space I have for distractionless (aside from the act of driving) thought. I started thinking about my short attention span. My brain gets so easily distracted. If I have a conversation with someone, I can easily get off course and never get back to original thread and it’s not until I’ve left that person that I wonder whether we kind of didn’t even finish our conversation properly – if that makes sense?
In the house I will start doing something then get distracted by another task. It seems Dad is the same, I remember him telling me so. Miss E is also the same. She has a ridiculously short attention span, but she’s 4 – I get that. A four-year old frame of reference is so skewed when you have lived for so little time. Remember how a year seems like an AGE when you are little – makes sense when it is a quarter of your whole lifetime – now it flits by in a blink of an eye – specks of my existence stealing away those precious moments in time with my babies …
So maybe gaining a week with my girl before she starts proper school for the first time isn’t such a bad thing…

So when I was driving in the car (wow! I managed to come back to that train of thought), I actually wondered if I had ADD… It seemed to fit my perception of what it was – without knowing anything about it. Dr. Google referred me to Dr. Wikipedia (obviously after I finished driving) and I nodded vigorously along whilst reading…
“ADD is similar to the other subtypes of ADHD in that it is characterized primarily by inattention, easy distractibility, disorganization, procrastination, and forgetfulness; where it differs is in lethargy – fatigue, and having fewer or no symptoms of hyperactivity or impulsiveness typical of the other ADHD subtypes.” Source Wikipedia

Oh and also from the above wiki link…
Examples of observed symptoms in Adults

  • Often making careless mistakes when having to work on uninteresting or difficult projects. (This one is rare, I actually do have good attention to detail. There will of COURSE be a glaring spelling mistake in this post to prove otherwise…)
  • Often having difficulty keeping attention during work, or holding down a job for a significant amount of time. (Tick for keeping attention, but I can hold down a job long-term and to be honest I don’t have these issues at all so much at work.)
  • Often having difficulty concentrating on conversations. (BIG TICK)
  • Having trouble finishing projects that have already been started. (You have no idea – maybe this is why I never finished my accounting diploma (or maybe it was just BORING) either way – TICK)
  • Often having difficulty organizing for the completion of tasks. (TICK)
  • Avoiding or delaying in starting projects that require a lot of thought. (TICK – but doesn’t EVERYONE do this??)
  • Often misplacing or having difficulty finding things at home or at work. (Oh hello yes – keys, wallet, work ID, children…)
  • Disorganized personal items (sometimes old and useless to the individual) causing excessive “clutter” (in the home, car, etc.). (Have you seen my car/bedroom/walk in floor-robe wardrobe/wall unit drawers?)
  • Often distracted by activity or noise. (Yes, its called children/being a Mum)
  • Often having problems remembering appointments or obligations, or inconveniently changing plans on a regular basis. (Well obviously birthdays and school start dates, but once I know when they are on and recognise when they are I rarely change – unless it involves exercise…)

It seems via Internet diagnosis I may have ADD…

Am I over-analysing? Is this just part of being a daytime SAHM who works 20 hours a week at night and can’t shut her brain off until well after midnight? Is it just part of getting older?

Guess what my topic of discussion will be when Miss E has her next play date with her bestie Miss L – whose Mumma is also a clinical psychologist? Well if I remember of course…

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